Grief, Loss, and Other Difficult Emotions

Reach for new beginnings.

Mom said,“Don’t be too sad when I die. I’ve lived a good life. And I’m in pain.”

“When she said it, I cried. I still cry just thinking about it.

She died. I should have been prepared, right? She’d lived a long life.

But I can’t live without her. There’s a big hole that can’t be filled.”

And that’s how it goes.

Sadness gives way to anger, confusion, doubt, and guilt. The list of emotions is inexhaustible.

As the day drags into the night, there’s no comfort – only emptiness.

Words don’t help; people are only there for a time; and work is just a distraction.

You feel alone in a black hole; climbing out seems impossible.

Grief is a normal reaction to loss.

Grief is an emotional and physical response to the profound loss – of a loved one, a beloved pet, friends after you move, a job, or achieving a dream.

Emotions range from sadness to anger, to guilt and hopelessness – and your body reflects your loss.

How does the body respond to loss? Illness and chronic aches and pain arise. You get sick more often, and sleep escapes you. You’re either too hungry or not hungry at all. Your chest and throat tighten as you try to hold it all in.

Grief is like a roller coaster ride.

Healing from grief is a process that’s not linear. How fast and what road one takes is as unique as the person experiencing it. Healing from grief and loss can resemble a roller coaster ride.

Soaring hope is overcome by profound sadness. Plummeting sadness, anger, and confusion intermingle with gratefulness and good memories.

You think you’re over it when you suddenly smell barbeque, which reminds you of your last summer with your loved one and takes you back down again.

“Will I ever be back to my old self?”

No. Why would you want to? Instead, move through the grief to change, grow, and become new! Mourn the loss, but don’t forget to celebrate your loved one’s life.

You’ll never bring your loved one back, but you will reach a New Normal.

Yes, you will ache for a while. And that deep down ache may come back from time to time throughout your life when you remember your loved one. But it’s not the same ache. Gradually, you will enjoy memories. You will be fond of them, even.

Some memories may make you smile, others will leave a warm feeling in your heart, and others will put tears in your eyes.

Begin again!

The answer is a combination of talk therapy and Brainspotting.

This will access both parts of the brain needed for healing. It will also cure body symptoms that arise from the loss because emotions affect the body.

Talk therapy processes memories of your loved one and feelings about your loved one’s death. It accesses the part of your brain that helps make sense of the loss.

Brainspotting helps the brain absorb the trauma.

In this case, your eyes are the key to your soul.

When you think of your loss, your eyes will move to a particular spot. That spot will be like a laser beam to the trauma caused by your loss. It will help people access places that are not accessible through talk therapy.

Brainspotting will help you reprocess painful memories so that they become less painful, address feelings of anger and guilt you might be experiencing, and ease any physical symptoms you have as you process the loss.

It will give you courage as you process gently and safely, drawing you to a place of acceptance and fond memories.

The GOAL is the final acceptance of your loss and closure.

As part of talk therapy, we will:

• Look together at precious pictures.
• Examine treasured gifts from your loved one will be a highlight.
• Write a letter to your loved one.
• Learning to notice and name your moods will help you know how to cope.
• Make use of coping skills until they become automatic.

You’re not alone!

Healing will not make you forget your loss. However, it will make your loss even more precious!

You will grow through your experience, and life will be fuller and more enriched as you remember your loved one with fond and profound memories.

It’s time for a new beginning. Take the first step today. Ask for help. I’m here to support you in your journey.